Animals that I don't care about:

Animal 1: Racoons; these little creatures, as innocent as they may look, are actually as useless as one can be. Like seriously, I was looking around in the backyard today and saw one climb up onto the deck and looked like it was on a mission, but in fact, it wasn’t! To me it looked like it simply climbed a fence, took a small walk back and forth, and then went back into the woods. People may say it was looking for food, but to me this thing looked a bit fat...so it wouldn’t be looking for food. Maybe it was trying to lose weight or something, although there’s nothing wrong with being a fat animal...
One thing I’d hate to feed racoons is cocoons. I’m not doing this just because these words rhyme...I’m also saying this because I’d hate to see racoons with wings...we already have rats with wings (pigeons), how are we supposed to deal with racoons with wings? It’s crazy! Getting rid of racoons isn’t a problem...getting rid of their food source...garbage. But wait...you toss garbage into a garbage bin, you make more garbage...you toss that into another garbage bin, you make even more garbage! This means that racoons have an everlasting food source. Damn.

Animal 2: Hyenas; I’m not going to lie, I’m a funny person...but I’d never tell a joke to a hyena because they laugh at everything; I wouldn’t know which jokes to tell to who...but when I’m low in confidence, I’d buy a hyena and tell it some jokes because then I’d start thinking hey, at least I can make animals laugh...unless I manage to make a hyena stop laughing...in that case, I must really suck.

Flashlight?

I was looking outside my window the other day, and I saw a yellow light...which suddenly registered in my mind as a UFO. Thats right. It may have been an airplane, a helicopter, or a loner playing catch with a flashlight, but to me it was an Unidentified Flying Object. I had no idea what it was and it was in the air. It was probably a plane or something to be honest.

Later that day, I recalled this event and thought to myself...a UFO is very scary, but its less scary if you know what it is...its even less scarier if you don't know what it is, but its not flying through the air.

So here we have 2 options: Flying Object (could be a frisbee) or Unidentified Object.

Lets focus on the Unidentified Object. If a little kid saw a UFO, he'd shit in his pants and yell out of fright. But if a little kid saw a UO (unidentified object) he'd be like "hey, whats this? this is cool...especially because when you climb into it, it spins". Thats right kids, never climb into UO's. It's actually much more safe if you make UO's into IO's and then when you destroy them they become just O's...which remind's me...

if you have a box of cereal, and its a copy of cheerios but it really isn't cheerios and you have no idea what it is...you shouldn't eat it...because its a box of Unidentified O's. Think about it.

Chess Club

Also known as discotheques, clubbing is this generation’s way of life. But these institutions are very peculiar in the sense that they’re name doesn’t indicate what they really are. Here’s a situation:

Bob: What are you doing tonight?
Bill: I’m going to a club.
Bob: Cool, which club? The chess club?
Bill: No...Circa...
Bob: Thats nice. What do people do in the circa club?
Bill: Nevermind.

Club, as defined by Princeton’s Wordnet, is a verb; “strike with a club or bludgeon”. It is also defined as “a formal association of people with similar interests”.
Interesting enough, here’s another situation:

Bob: Why are you telling me to nevermind?
Bill: Clearly, you don’t know what clubbing means.
Bob: Yes I do Bill. Yes I do.
Bill: Okay, what is clubbing?
Bob brings out his club and whacks Bill on his head. Tsk tsk Bob, now why would you go and do that?

Sometimes, misinterpretations happen. Bob just misinterpreted what clubbing meant. It’s not his fault though. It’s no one’s fault. In fact, Bill deserved to get hit. He should’ve said “I’m going to the discotheque”. In fact, that’s two points for Bob since the first club that came to his mind was the Chess club. Good work Bob.

Nerdy

Hmm...I haven't blogged in a while, so please bear with me...this blog is going to, hopefully, be as funny as my previous ones, but no guarantees...What am I writing about? well read, and find out!

So I was listening to some music the other day, and this techno song came on...which is when I realized what techno music really means...atleast what I think of it - sorry if I offend anyone.

I think techno music is a bunch of nice sounding clicks put together in a very appealing tune...in fact, let me go back to what I think about the name "techno"...and possibly where it came from...

to me, and im sure to many other literate people, the word techno is part of the word technology... therefore, when someone says "I listen to techno", I interpret them as saying "I listen to technology"... sure, thats not nerdy at all...i've heard of people using the internet...and even computers for that matter! but listening to technology? man, I just find that weird...like a remote control...i consider a remote control, technology...but what if there's a guy who starts listening to his remote control? I consider this guy a person without a life...funny, but true...

what about a person who listens to House music? why did they name it House? i dont play that kinda music in my house...no way...but i'll save this issue for some other day...

Karma...

I have some good news; and I have some better news. The good news is that i'll be posting on this blog again, and in fact, since all of you readers like it so much, i've decided to start another blog - Life on Shoes.

Now for something even better...a post!

Karma...what is Karma...why do we have Karma...isn't Karma edible? well I can tell you straight up that it is not edible...but it is one letter away from being edible...replace the second letter with a U and your hunger will be satisfied! (im not a big fan of Kurma). What the hell am I even talking about?

So, back to Karma...Karma is something that is good, and it can be something that can be bad. You hear people saying "this is bad Karma" or "this is good Karma". These are prime examples of good and bad Karma. Just kidding.

Karma, in my opinion, is when you do something resulting in something being done to you. If you step on an ant for no reason, some day, an elephant will step on you for no reason and smirk at your squashed self. This I call is bad Karma...Good Karma, on the other hand is when you help somebody and somebody then does something good for you! Now...my question to you, the reader is, which Karma does a doctor have to face?

The definition of a doctor, in my opinion, remember, this is completely opinion based, is that a doctor is someone who helps others by causing harm physically, but at the same time healing someone internally. What this means is beyond my knowledge, but i'm sure with further analysis it makes perfect sense. A doctor puts you to sleep and cuts you open...fiddles around with your organs or lack there of...does this mean that someone will put the doctor to sleep and cut him open and fiddle around with his organs or lack there of? :O thats horrible!

Anyways, whats for dinner?

So I noticed something today; some school's lack chairs. It's a little weird sounding, but it's true. I was in class today, and a random student walked in and asked "Can I borrow a chair?" I'm not going to lie, I did chuckle a little, but you can't help but feel bad for the kid. How would you feel if you walked into a class one fine day and all the chairs were already being sat on? It's like no one wants you. You're the only one standing. You might as well stand outside.

I noticed another thing today; I was walking to one of my other classes and I saw one of my friends walking towards the place I just came from...as soon as we made eye contact, he said "Gautam", and nodded very slightly. I stopped and looked at him for a second, and he did the same to a couple more people, and after that...I thought to myself - okay, so this guy is good with names. After being in the same school for about a year, all he could say was my name? no hi Gautam or anything? maybe he's just playing a game with himself, memorizing everyone's names, and then reciting them without looking at his book of friends. Anyways, I figured this blog isn't going anywhere, so I might as well just stop.

Have fun!
Gautam

Coexist

So a couple days ago, I was on a plane. Generally, I don't like airplanes - they're not nice. But what I do like are airports, because when your in an airport, its like "hey im in a shopping mall where there are no taxes.....where do I park my car?", but when you're in a plane, its like "damn, I gotta sit beside this smelly guy who seems like he's dead but he's only sleeping...I hope"

See, you can't compare airports and airplanes, because they can't co exist without each other. Just like an airplane is interdependent on an airport, an airport is interdependent on an airplane. If an airport had no airplanes, it would be considered a tax free shopping mall, and if an airplane had no airport, then lets just say the passengers are screwed.

So I hate it sometimes when people get really specific with airplanes..........I ask a friend "so what flight did you fly?" he's like "I flew a KLM Boeing 747". Okay...what the hell does that mean? Can you be more specific (sarcasm). The funny thing is, he got more specific and started explaining the seating patterns to me, which was a little scary. "so there are three rows, with 3 seats in each row and 4 seats in the middle row. Touche my friend, now can you please tell me where all the gates are located in the Amsterdam Schipol International Airport? thanks in advance.

Gautam