Karma...

I have some good news; and I have some better news. The good news is that i'll be posting on this blog again, and in fact, since all of you readers like it so much, i've decided to start another blog - Life on Shoes.

Now for something even better...a post!

Karma...what is Karma...why do we have Karma...isn't Karma edible? well I can tell you straight up that it is not edible...but it is one letter away from being edible...replace the second letter with a U and your hunger will be satisfied! (im not a big fan of Kurma). What the hell am I even talking about?

So, back to Karma...Karma is something that is good, and it can be something that can be bad. You hear people saying "this is bad Karma" or "this is good Karma". These are prime examples of good and bad Karma. Just kidding.

Karma, in my opinion, is when you do something resulting in something being done to you. If you step on an ant for no reason, some day, an elephant will step on you for no reason and smirk at your squashed self. This I call is bad Karma...Good Karma, on the other hand is when you help somebody and somebody then does something good for you! Now...my question to you, the reader is, which Karma does a doctor have to face?

The definition of a doctor, in my opinion, remember, this is completely opinion based, is that a doctor is someone who helps others by causing harm physically, but at the same time healing someone internally. What this means is beyond my knowledge, but i'm sure with further analysis it makes perfect sense. A doctor puts you to sleep and cuts you open...fiddles around with your organs or lack there of...does this mean that someone will put the doctor to sleep and cut him open and fiddle around with his organs or lack there of? :O thats horrible!

Anyways, whats for dinner?

So I noticed something today; some school's lack chairs. It's a little weird sounding, but it's true. I was in class today, and a random student walked in and asked "Can I borrow a chair?" I'm not going to lie, I did chuckle a little, but you can't help but feel bad for the kid. How would you feel if you walked into a class one fine day and all the chairs were already being sat on? It's like no one wants you. You're the only one standing. You might as well stand outside.

I noticed another thing today; I was walking to one of my other classes and I saw one of my friends walking towards the place I just came from...as soon as we made eye contact, he said "Gautam", and nodded very slightly. I stopped and looked at him for a second, and he did the same to a couple more people, and after that...I thought to myself - okay, so this guy is good with names. After being in the same school for about a year, all he could say was my name? no hi Gautam or anything? maybe he's just playing a game with himself, memorizing everyone's names, and then reciting them without looking at his book of friends. Anyways, I figured this blog isn't going anywhere, so I might as well just stop.

Have fun!
Gautam

Coexist

So a couple days ago, I was on a plane. Generally, I don't like airplanes - they're not nice. But what I do like are airports, because when your in an airport, its like "hey im in a shopping mall where there are no taxes.....where do I park my car?", but when you're in a plane, its like "damn, I gotta sit beside this smelly guy who seems like he's dead but he's only sleeping...I hope"

See, you can't compare airports and airplanes, because they can't co exist without each other. Just like an airplane is interdependent on an airport, an airport is interdependent on an airplane. If an airport had no airplanes, it would be considered a tax free shopping mall, and if an airplane had no airport, then lets just say the passengers are screwed.

So I hate it sometimes when people get really specific with airplanes..........I ask a friend "so what flight did you fly?" he's like "I flew a KLM Boeing 747". Okay...what the hell does that mean? Can you be more specific (sarcasm). The funny thing is, he got more specific and started explaining the seating patterns to me, which was a little scary. "so there are three rows, with 3 seats in each row and 4 seats in the middle row. Touche my friend, now can you please tell me where all the gates are located in the Amsterdam Schipol International Airport? thanks in advance.

Gautam

Spit

Have you ever wondered why some people, especially people who work with piles of papers or books tend to lick their fingers before flipping a page? like I was at the library once and I was going to sign out a couple of books for research, and when I took it to the front desk, all of a sudden, the librarian licks her finger and flips through the pages of the book.

Thanks for licking that page. Now its gross. Your spit is on that page...why? just because your fingers can't grip paper...for whatever reason...doesn't mean you gotta lick my book. Now how am I going to turn the pages without touching your spit? I want you to go wash my book. I think this practice should be abolished.

Now my question is...why can't your fingers grip the page? have you not fully evolved into a human yet? So can I trust you with this glass vase? or would you have to lick your fingers before you can hold it? If you happened to eat chicken right before you licked your finger, then im not able to read that one specific book because i'm a vegetarian...and also because THAT IS GROSS.

I digress.

Multiple Choice?

So i've been on msn quite a bit this week, and i've noticed a small trend developing...have you ever had someone say "true" right after you tell them something? Like you say "yeah i'm going to bed soon" and your friend replies "true".

What the hell kinda answer is that? First of all, I didn't ask you a question, secondly, even if I did ask you a question, im not the one to ask True and False questions. This isn't a multiple choice quiz.

In my opinion, when the word "true" is used, its used because the person who said it really doesn't care about what you just said. "i'm going to bed soon". rather than saying "okay, i really don't care" your friend has said "true". This word is used to pretend to acknowledge something you said that really doesn't matter...but they don't want to sound very rude...

its really funny if you think about it - what if someone said "false"...

circle one:
i'm going to bed soon - true/false

Secrets

Personally, I like secrets. But I hate when someone tells you a secret in person. Because when someone tells you a secret, they come close to your face and whisper. Whispering, is nothing but exhaling carbon dioxide from your lungs and shaping that carbon dioxide so that it sounds like words.

I especially hate when someone has just finished eating and then they tell you a secret. Usually when someone talks, there are good words and bad words. When someone whispers after a meal, then there are good words, bad words, and words that smell. "Hey! don't say that word...it smells...." or "I like your vocabulary...they remind me of cookies"

I always wondered something though...can a person with a naturally strong lisp, tell a secret? Or does their tongue get in their way...

Remember

Kids, remember............sticks and stones can break your bones.........but rocks can kill you.

Floss It

So I want to become a dentist when I grow up. Dentists are like police officers...and not practicing the perfect oral hygene is like committing a crime. They make you admit things you really don't want to. They interrogate you. They make you lie down on an uncomfortable chair with a leg rest, and shine a bright light on your face. They have sharp things near your mouth and as they scrape each one of your teeth, they ask you questions.

"When was the last time you brushed your teeth?" they ask. You know it was last night, but your afraid to tell him. You know they're not going to harm you, but in a way they do; they take away your self confidence and expose the true you. They want to hear from you that you did not brush this morning. They want only the truth. Some dentists even post the Miranda Rights on their walls. Well they don't, but im going to.

"Do you floss?" they ask. They know I don't. I know I don't. If I did, they wouldn't ask. I should've flossed. But I didn't. And they want me to admit to them, looking straight in their eye. You can picture a court room scenario...

*Please call in the witness*
"Okay, i'd like to ask you madam, if you've ever seen this boy clean his teeth"
"Well I can hear him through the bathroom door"
"Thanks, now does the defendant floss?"
"I'm unable to answer that question"

*The defendant would like to plead...guilty. He does not brush*

Well this is it for tonight! Hope you enjoyed this one!

Nothing.

When you freeze something, you call it ice. When you like something...you call it nice.
When you eat something, you're usually starving. When you eat steak, you're carving.
When you come out of the shower, you feel fresh. I knew an Indian guy named Venkatesh.
When you take some medicine, your mouth tastes bitter. But I have to take it, im not a quitter.
When you pee in your pants, its a mistake. If you need to pee when you're sleeping, you awake.
If you feel thirsty, go get a drink. Element Zn from the periodic table, stands for Zinc.
If you like to talk, joing the debating team. Some people are really good at it...Aaron Hakim.
If you have no friends, then its time to make some. Unless you're a loser, or a bum.
If you carry a purse, then your not a man. If you are, then watch out for the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a blog about nothing really...but its still in english, not swahili.

Apple Juice

There this issue, you see, doctors love to take samples from their patients. Like blood samples, throat swabs, even urine samples. They think they're just allowed to steal what is rightfully ours. So I was with a doctor the other day, and she wanted a swab of my throat. She said "let me just get in there and get a swab of that white spot". No. It's my throat. It's my white spot. It's my disease. I don't share diseases. I didn't go to it, it came to me. I didn't go to you doc, you came to me. You want that sample don't you now? haha. I was nice and I gave a sample. It came back negative.

Similarly, I had to give a blood test. The doctor said "Okay im going to call the lab technician and we're going to have to take some of your blood to test it for mono". No. No mono. mo NO. My heart ain't working this hard to just give blood away. Its mine. If my heart has to work this hard to make my blood, you're going to have to work MUCH harder to take my blood. I was nice and I gave a sample. It came back negative. So no mono.

You see, when the doctors want a urine sample, they're expecting a lot from you. They expect you to have urine in your system just waiting to be given away at that very moment in time. I had to give a urine sample once. The lab technician handed over a little container and I read it to myself and it said "urine". I looked at the technician and said "hmmm Urine". She said "yes, pee". Thanks dictionary.com, I didn't ask for a synonym. I know what urine is. I asked her when she wanted the sample, and she said "now." Uh oh. It was tough because I really didn't have to go. You can't just expect someone to urinate whenever you want them to...you gotta tell em in advance...I need a sample at 6:15. Drink lots of apple juice. eat a watermelon. I was nice and I gave a sample. It came back negative.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this one as well!

APO-CLARITHROMYCIN

So, its been a while since i've seen sunlight. I like to live in the shade...or I have to live in the shade :( as long as im on apo-clarithromycin. Now you may be wondering what the hell that is...and i'll tell ya, whatever it is, it aint that great. APO-CLARITHROMYCIN is just fancy lingo for Biaxin. It cures pneumonia, thats all.

Last Wednesday, I felt like crap. I went to the health centre, and I spoke to the nurse. At the time, none of us had any idea I had pneumonia. Anyhow, my lungs didn't sound right and my throat looked a little weird...there was white spots. Thats not normal. Thats why I was recommended to the doctor. The doctor had no clue what these white spots indicated, although she had a feeling it may have been Neisseria or something...which is basically a type of Meningitis. She wanted a sample of my blood and a sample of my throat...a throat swab they call it, and until these samples returned from the hospital, analyzed, I would have to live in quarantine.

I'd like to take this moment and describe the life of a guy in quarantine. Its like having no friends...not even imaginary friends want to be near you...the nurses and doctors wear masks and gloves when coming into the room, and they're the only other humans you will see until you are out of quarantine. I had my own bathroom in that room...but it didn't have a shower. I wanted a shower. Gautam got a shower. You see, I spoke to the nurse about this issue, and she was very nice...she went over to the public bathroom, which contains a shower, and posted a sign saying "Do Not Use".......oh ok.........I get it. Normal people aren't allowed to use it just because a guy from quarantine wants to. Am I not human? Do I not blink?

Anyhow, the samples came back from the hospital negative, but whilst waiting for the samples, I developed viral pneumonia. I had to get an x-ray in order for the doctor to see what was going on in my lungs. So I finally ended up with Biaxin. I was officially free from quarantine. Or so they said. I still stayed in that room, took showers in a room regular people weren't allowed to enter. I lived there for 8 days, and yesterday, Thursday, January 31 was my last day there...hopefully.

I'm on antibiotics...Biaxin, they call it. "Take 2 tablets twice daily for 10 days". You can analyze this. There is an alliteration...four words in a row starting with the letter T (take two tablets twice). I'm supposed to take it for 10 days. I forgot when I started. Uh oh. There's a warning sign saying "You should AVOID prolonged or excessive exposure to direct and/or artificial SUNLIGHT while taking this medication." I don't even know what that means, but i'm assuming i'm supposed to live in shade.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this blog! I enjoyed writing it!

A Good Question

So…it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog, but I’m only doing so because a friend requested me to. So to start off, I have a question, and I have an answer. The question is…how do you fit an elephant into an igloo? Read below to find out…the answer’s in there.

So how do you fit an elephant into an igloo? You know, this is a good question, and I have the perfect answer…but before I tell you the answer, I want to talk a little bit about how an elephant and an igloo relates to me.

Personally, I like elephants. They’re my favorite animal. I feel they’re a little underrated. They need to be advertised so more people know about them and like them. Igloos on the other hand, they’re a little overrated. Why the hell would you want to live in an igloo? Its cold enough outside, and now you want to live in a dwelling made out of snow and ice? Speaking of things being cold, the house I live in, in my boarding school is pretty damn cold sometimes; like at night. Turn on the bloody heater, I’m freezing my ass. So what have elephants got to do with the house I live in? Well, an elephant is a wild animal, and my house contains wild animals. It’s a little ironic because we aren’t allowed domestic creatures in the house, but I guess a wild animal is okay? Like the other day, I came back from a class and I see this guy jumping and hitting the roof – I ask “What the hell is going on?” He says “There’s a rat in the roof!” I asked “why?”, and he replies “because it’s up there”. See I hate these kinds of answers, because he’s just telling me what I just found out, from him. You see, I thought after the first question I asked, we had already established the point that there is a rat in the roof, but I guess he just wanted to reinforce it. It’s really pointless I must say…kind of like the dialogue below:

Billy says: There’s a rat in the roof!
Bobby says: okay.
Billy says: There’s a rat in the roof!
Bobby says: um…I thought we already established that point.

Anyways, forgive me if this blog wasn’t as good as my previous ones…it’s been a while and I guess I just need to get back into the groove. Oh right, to answer my question…you don’t fit an elephant into an igloo. Like why the hell would you want to do that?
Okay I’m done.