Apple Juice

There this issue, you see, doctors love to take samples from their patients. Like blood samples, throat swabs, even urine samples. They think they're just allowed to steal what is rightfully ours. So I was with a doctor the other day, and she wanted a swab of my throat. She said "let me just get in there and get a swab of that white spot". No. It's my throat. It's my white spot. It's my disease. I don't share diseases. I didn't go to it, it came to me. I didn't go to you doc, you came to me. You want that sample don't you now? haha. I was nice and I gave a sample. It came back negative.

Similarly, I had to give a blood test. The doctor said "Okay im going to call the lab technician and we're going to have to take some of your blood to test it for mono". No. No mono. mo NO. My heart ain't working this hard to just give blood away. Its mine. If my heart has to work this hard to make my blood, you're going to have to work MUCH harder to take my blood. I was nice and I gave a sample. It came back negative. So no mono.

You see, when the doctors want a urine sample, they're expecting a lot from you. They expect you to have urine in your system just waiting to be given away at that very moment in time. I had to give a urine sample once. The lab technician handed over a little container and I read it to myself and it said "urine". I looked at the technician and said "hmmm Urine". She said "yes, pee". Thanks dictionary.com, I didn't ask for a synonym. I know what urine is. I asked her when she wanted the sample, and she said "now." Uh oh. It was tough because I really didn't have to go. You can't just expect someone to urinate whenever you want them to...you gotta tell em in advance...I need a sample at 6:15. Drink lots of apple juice. eat a watermelon. I was nice and I gave a sample. It came back negative.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this one as well!